Excerpt #3

You told me things would get easier.
You told me that once I made the cut, I’d be free.
God, you were wrong.
You’ve been haunting my nights lately.
Because I stopped thinking about you.
You came back.
I know you, you always come back.
No matter what.
But I can’t let you in anymore, no matter how hard you knock on the door.
I can’t let you in, because I can’t let myself down.
Allowing you to get close to me would be betraying myself.
I made a promise that I intend to keep.
I pinky-swore to my best friend that you wouldn’t be allowed in my head anymore, even less near my body.
It still reacts the same way when it sees you.
It still wants you, but I don’t.
Because it’s over and I’m over it.
I’m letting myself free, for once.
Free of obligations, free of anything that’s dragging me down.
I’m cutting you off.
I’m setting you free, too.
I have to be there for myself, the way you haven’t been for me.
Because guess what.
I love myself.
More than anyone could ever love me.
And in the end, I’m all I’ve got.
So, you were wrong.
Things don’t get easier.
I’m getting stronger.
– Excerpt from a book I’ll never write.

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