Ohana

imageback.com_934ed6d2bdZFPUJZF3546bd1fcf2I heard once that whatever satisfies your soul is the truth.

I like how that sounded in my head when I repeated it multiple times, just to make sure that I truly understood what it meant.

I like the fact that it sounds as if whatever you do that makes you happy is the best choice, because it actually isn’t.

Sometimes we do things that we would never have thought of doing in the first place.

We think that we are better than that, that it only happens to others when in reality, we are the others.

We are the unlucky ones that have to live with the « it only happens to others ».

Every single one of us is an « other » to someone.

We make decisions that are not always as good as we once thought they would be.

They hurt.

And they make us hurt.

When you spit it always falls back on you.

I like that way of thinking because when you believe that, you always think twice before hurting someone else.

You know that it will come back to you.

It always does.

Then why hasn’t it come back to you?

Why are you still so happy and perfect when I’m here, hurt and completely lost?

I keep questioning myself because of you.

Because of the words that you used to describe me.

Because of your eyes that look at me like I’m some kind of monster who’s bothering you.

I just don’t get it.

« Whatever satisfies your soul is the truth »

Maybe that is not as true as I once thought after all.

Maybe it’s all just lies used to make us feel a little bit better about ourselves.

Even though in the end, we’re still the same people who keep repeating the same fucking thing.

« It only happens to others »

What then?

What happens when you’re the one having to go through that?

The thing that you thought you were better than?

Guilt.

That’s the principal thing that rushes through your veins and invades your inner thoughts.

You feel guilty because you know that you did something wrong somewhere.

It was never supposed to go that way, it was never supposed to happen.

Not to you.

The girl who’s supposed to be perfect.

The girl who’s so considerate towards others that she’s able to forgive even you.

You out of all people, she looks at you and she still loves you.

Because that’s what you do with the people that you love.

You love them and embrace them, even from afar, when they’re not so loveable.

I wish you did the same to her.

Because she needs it.

She will always hate herself for what happened but you don’t know that because you ignore her and act like she doesn’t exist.

You will never how sorry she really is.

You will never know how difficult it was for her to do what she did.

We called that betrayal and she knows it.

We think that some things only happen to others, but they don’t.

They are right here, beside you.

And they can destroy you, even though you wish they wouldn’t.

They will and there is nothing you can do about it.

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